Growing up as the eldest daughter in a brown family is like signing up for a lifetime job you didn’t know existed. My entire life, I’ve been the planner, the mediator, the cook, the tutor, and the therapist for my family. Don’t get me wrong—I love my family, but sometimes I feel like the glue holding everything together.
My parents are the hardest-working people I know. They started from humble beginnings, working in the fast food industry, and slowly climbed their way to success. By the time I was born, they’d purchased their first restaurant, and from then on, our family’s life was a whirlwind of hard work and growth. Their sacrifices gave me a life filled with opportunities—private school education, family vacations, and everything a kid could dream of. But behind all those privileges, there was little ol’ me: a 13-year-old girl juggling school, cooking dinner for the family, helping my little brother with homework, and occasionally running to help at the restaurants.
Sometimes, it feels like no one in my family can function without me. Lost papers? I find them. Last-minute school assignments? I complete them. Need advice? Call me. With this level of “being there for them,” I’m basically Kimpossible to them. Because of this role I take on, a recent conversation I had with my mom really broke my heart. She told me about an incident over a year ago that she’s been having trouble forgetting because it made her feel like my friends are more important to me than my family. Hearing this made me feel like absolute crap. Ask any of my friends and they will vouch for how much I care about my family and how they’re the single most important thing to me. Because of this, my own mother telling me that she felt like she isn’t a priority made me feel really sad. So, when my mom told me she felt like I prioritize my friends over family, it broke my heart. For someone who constantly puts her family first, hearing this felt like a punch to the gut. I tried to explain the situation, but brown parents have a special talent for focusing on one moment while overlooking all your sacrifices. Regardless of this high-standard I’m held to by my family, I love them to death and they mean the world to me. I cherish all the moments I spend with them, even if it means working on days off and taking my free few hours of the day to cook and clean for my mom so she gets some well-deserved rest.
By the way, this job doesn’t end at home—it follows me into my personal life. Dating is a whole other struggle. Explaining why “just say no” isn’t an option in my family is like trying to describe calculus to a toddler. Most guys don’t understand the pride and sense of duty I feel for the family who gave me so much. Add in the guilt my family sometimes lays on me for not spending enough time with them, dating feels like an uphill battle I’d rather not climb. This struggle gives me minimal time to balance between my friends, family and dating (however useless those dates may have been LOL). Honestly, sometimes I just want to give up and not do ANYTHING. Running away sounds tempting some days (lol), but then my guilty conscience reminds me I’m the family’s CEO, and they wouldn’t function without me.
While this constant responsibility has felt like a burden at times, I’ve come to realize it’s shaped me in ways I wouldn’t trade for anything in the world. I’m resourceful, empathetic, ambitious and fiercely loyal. I’m proud of the woman I’ve become, even if she’s occasionally exhausted from being the family CEO.
So, here’s to all the eldest daughters out there. We may be a little bossy and complain (a lot), but deep down, we know this role made us who we are. And honestly, who else could handle it better than us? Cheers to all my fellow eldest daughters! 🥂
